in my mind right now

i dont feel like writing...just need to scribble the voice inside my head on a piece of paper... y give me the interest but deny me of my opportunities...i screwed up today...i didn't mean to say that...i did but not in the sense in which you took it...i am back to the times where i saw myself helpless...i acted numb at times i should have reacted...am like that again...all i want is to see a happy face...nothing else...but at times i see the cold glaring eyes even though they don't really glare at me...its like i can see wats inside...am i responsible for it...damn...i need 3 lac in 3 months...or i should be 22...am i happy that i cant achieve it...it is a tough path anyway...it might lead to glory but the path is tough...i love to sit back and relax...but i have big dreams...but the dreams will remain dreams...perhaps i am ignoring the opportunities...am i in the midst of all those noises that obstructed the sound of the knock of that opportunity...or was i busy shouting about no one knocking at my door...did i miss it or was i denied of it...am i filling up the cup thinking how to empty it...why are these thoughts coming to me over and over again...i feel my mind has become a whore...impure and adulterated with things that haven't helped me so far...things are just getting worse every time there seems to be a hope of something good...every morning i wake up and hope for the worst...everything seems kinda good that day...am i happy in my negative energy...i might be..........................TCNQ9G93SAA7

Dont you ever call a man "an animal" to disgrace him...

A female leopard hunts a pregnant female baboon. While the leopard was dragging the baboon, the baboon delivers a baby. Leopard leaves the hunted mother and starts taking care of the newborn baboon. Watch this amazing video from National geographic.

Length: 4:58

When the necessity is nasty...

Is it the greed for money or the greed for power? Either way the greed never stops. Some people were told the wrong things and they start to believe that what was told is right. Not exactly right, but sometimes they know that it is wrong but strongly believe that it is what is applicable or practical in this world. I know that I tend to curse mankind and life in most of my posts very often but it is because I start to see the cruel yet accepted characteristics of the present. People say that it is how it works or else you can’t survive. "Survival of the Fittest". How amazing? 4 words that describe the very basic need to live and is everything one needs to live. The parameters may change but the characteristics we have to develop to achieve those parameters remain the same. You can freeze time with reference to those parameters. Leaving them aside, there is a whole larger group of things or people who are considered weak because they are the ones who work hard to stand by for what they believe and can see even the most subtle aberration from those beliefs that the world is claiming to be the so called “basic necessity.” Now the weak cannot afford it at any cost. They can only sit back and watch the Drama cursing the performers and pretending to be a part of it. They curse because they know that they cannot be a part of it because they have to change to be a part of it. And they pretend because they would like to see themselves as the centre of attraction at least for once (a bubble reputation will do fine for them.) But all that happens is they get beaten up so bad again and again that they find out they are no longer learning but are failing miserably. Whereas the ones who do what they shouldn’t are going where they shouldn’t. The place which the weaklings think are reserved for them is crowded and overflowing, but not with them. They will only hope for the change and that change will occur if they strongly believe in it and direct them towards it. The change will come because life never deviates from its very basic principle "Happiness." Yeah, that is just one word and is applicable to everyone who really needs it. If you really need it, you will get it. If you still didn’t get it, you didn’t need it bad enough.
The more explicit version of this post is in my other blog. And that is for me… …Bye…Take care..See you in my next dark and gloomy post.

The Story Of Circles

A post I wanted to write long back but didn’t want to write it down due to some reasons. I was thinking of a way to write it in a form of a story. But I couldn’t frame characters and names. This is the story of circles. The post is not exactly a story but is my way of seeing invasions. When someone is born, they obviously enter the dreaded world, and he/she is given one powerful weapon. Now the thing is, some people don’t know that they have this weapon, some discover it very late, some never discover it and some see it very soon. Now the fact is that this weapon is invisible and so powerful that it could determine the path of a man’s life. For those who wonder if I am ever going to say what that weapon is, it is a circle.

Have you ever felt this way?

We were on a trip to this hill top called Ponmudi. We expected green all over the place but were let down. We picked up a place on the hill, sat down, then found ourselves a spot to lie down amidst the dry grass. We started talking about things. I slowly moved away and found myself another spot, not that I wasn’t interested or tired, but just felt like isolating myself. Now this spot was good. If I opened my eyes, I could see great distances (the mountains). My mind was full, overflowing with things that I didn’t want. They were still chatting. The sun came down and all of a sudden the climate was amazingly perfect but they decided to leave. I waited for them to leave so I could come last alone. When everyone left, it was the best experience ever. Never in my life had I experienced such silence. Not a zephyr, so the grass didn’t move a bit, but the climate was cool. I looked as far as the eye can look and not a single person in sight. For about 7 seconds, my mind did not think of anything (yeah, I know it’s hard to believe but it did happen). I mean , for a guy like me who loves to let my mind wander wherever it please, this was different. I was isolated from the rest of the world and my mind was as if nothing had happened in the past 23 years. A few more minutes and I believe that I could have found the answers to most of the questions that kept bugging me. You can try the same. I’m dead sure I’ll never get that feeling again but I wish I do.

Happiness of Immeasurable Purity

Here is a very small list of things which can give you happiness of immeasurable purity. I haven’t done all of them. But still, I wish I could fulfill every one of them soon enough.
1)Try to create your favorite shapes from stars on the clearest night sky.
2)Watch the sun rise melting the morning mist, while you sip on your cup of tea.
3)Lay down on your back on a lonely windy beach when there is a slight drizzle, and look at the waves getting ripped up by tiny drops of rain.
4)Take her to your most favorite place on earth (the one you have already been and when no one is around) and say how much you love her.
5)Recognize every next step you take to reach out for your dreams.
6)Try to make a baby smile at you. That smile is not fake. It is the purest form of smile on earth
7)5 minutes of extreme silence and darkness when you need to escape the torturing, painful routine.

Friends? Orrrrrrrrrrrrrr??????

Hi. I was just starting to think. Is friendship a word that faces constant degradation nowadays? Well, I don’t really know, but it just seems like it. I mean, how long does it take for two to say “I Love you.” Obviously not on first sight, not after a 5 min conversation, it takes about months at least (except in the movies where the heroine has to say OK because she was asked to say it). When two people speak for about 5 min and meet the next day, they claim themselves to be friends. Wow, is friendship that easy? Amazingly retarded. When you talk to someone, you only know him. If you meet someone from your office, he’s only your colleague. Friendship is way more deep, way more intense, and sparks instantly after a long time. You no need to have “like thoughts” to be friends. Sometimes the difference in opinion is the catalyst for a great friendship. IN fact, like the universal truth, like always repel. Yeah I know, that was stupid. Back to the point, what I am trying to say is doesn’t friendship need it’s share of time to build strong like every other relationship takes. Yeah, social media got those words, buddy and friends, but does it really mean it. It is just like this, if I can remember the names of all the people who studied with me in high school and college, I can claim them to be friends. Wow, can’t even count the number. Since when did I become Mr. Popular (for your kind information, a Mr. Popular never gets true friends, the only thing that movies can depict correctly). And since when did friendship become so easy? It really starts to hurt people who take friendship as serious as love(not in some other sense, if that’s what struck you). The time will come wen you cannot differentiate friends from someone else. If someone can talk to a lot of people, he’s considered social. And I needed to write a post on that too, will be doing it soon. OK…I’ll wrap it up. A known person and a friend are not the same. It wasn’t meant to be. When a real friendship breaks, the pain is harder than an ice cold rock. And the bond is warmer than the core of the earth. FRIENDSHIP ROCKS as long as IT IS REAL.
And for those who need some songs that best describe the loss of your loved ones.
1) The Fray – How to save a life.
2) Puff Daddy – Every Breath you take.
3) Guns N Roses – November Rain.
4) Bill Withers – Ain’t no sunshine.
5) Pearl Jam – Last kiss.
6) Green Day - Wake me up when September ends.
I like to hear November Rain personally , but I don’t know if it was written for that. Anyways, if you need some more songs, just ask. Ready to help ya……..

It just ain't me

It just ain't me…It just ain't me for the last two weeks… feel totally fucked up... Don’t have any particular reason, but completely out of mind.... not able to work... AM not able to concentrate. It happened 7 years ago wen love struck. But this time it ain't that. Something has gotten into....feels like possessed by something. Wishing to know wat that was.....mind is stuck in the middle of nowhere...been doing things which I have never done in my life....Everything done in the last 2 weeks is against the very basic principles I live for....Feels like in the brink of madness...can only shout HELP inside...desperately need help.....need to abide by the principles. Its the only thing that I live for at the moment.

La Vie Est Belle (Life is Beautiful)

When you look back at the past 20-30 years of your life and pick up all the remnants of memories residing in you and find out that you did nothing, then you have begun to realize that you are here for a purpose. What may seem as accomplishments to others may be nothing to you. You were happy that you succeeded at that time, but in the long run, it did not give you shit. You begin to realize that all your life, you’ve been living for others to talk about you. The happiness you had at that time seemed to be everlasting but disappeared without notice. Or shall I say “vanished into thin air”. To those who feel this way, well, there is nothing you can do about it. You can sit and cry for wasting the precious past which can no longer be bought back (unless there was a time machine). But just remember, if you cry today for the past, all you can do is to cry tomorrow for today. The average life of a human is about ummmm, ok, assuming 70 years. You’ve still got 40-50 years. Believe me, if at all you were born in this earth (if you are reading this, then you definitely are born on earth, ok, jokes aside) , the force that created you (to some it is God, to others it is pure science, but I’ll call it the force) has something in store for you here. All you have to do is to find out what is it that makes you happy. If you think that you have no time, look at the mirror and slap yourself. The force has given you a lifetime. A life time of opportunities. This is a fast world. Opportunities don’t come knocking at your door. You got to chase them and when you find it , hug it hard and don’t let go. You will have something to remember that makes you feel happy years later. And that is truly happiness. If you listened to someone at some point and screwed your life, you can put the blame on him, but it’s your life that’s screwed. You could have lived for yourself at that moment asked and taken your own decision, in that way, if you still screwed up, you can put the blame on you.
Yes , it might be too late to realize that you wasted the past. At least you realized it. Right? But then it is painful. Trust me. It is really painful. After the realization has occurred, all you can see are the beautiful things in life which you have never experienced and you want it all at the same time but then you cannot reach out for any. As time crawls, you will get used to it and learn to experience everything one by one. Like I said, there is a whole lifetime of opportunities. This is your life. No one can spoon feed you forever. Even if they did, you will only learn the shape of the spoon. The road can only show the path, you have to walk through it, just look for the signs and you will reach your destination. If the road is crowded, create your own, life will be more fun. LIFE WILL BE MORE BEAUTIFUL.
The title means "Life is beautiful". Took it from a movie title. The picture too. A really good movie. Watch it if you get a chance.

What else do you need?

Pick out a lonely spot on the beach, far from the madding crowd. You, your harmonica and your cassette player. Watch the sun just as it is ready to wet itself. Light a fag and watch the smoke curve past the line on the horizon. Now you start to notice the slight curve and realize how big the world is, or how small we are. Watch the waves coming towards you to dry you of your sorrows. Blow your Harmonica to the singing of the waves and the cool breeze, you needn’t be an expert. Play your favorite song in the player and sing along. If only you had the girl you love beside you……. Well it can happen everyday and it is free. I mean, who is gonna charge for staring at the ocean. Nature can still give us what we need. It is up to us to search it and experience it. These are the times where loneliness can be your best friend. Dude, life is short and can end unexpectedly. So why should we save the good times for the future.

Reaching Divinity

“You have a problem? Talk about it to a friend or cry out loud.” Well, I can’t think of a better suggestion than this. This was given to me by a friend. Talking about a problem to a friend? You need a lot of ingredients in that case. First you will need a true friend who is ready to be with you and listen to you even though you have decided to speak only your problems. Not necessarily a friend – he /she could also be the one you love. If you are looking for the second ingredient, there is none. Only one. Who do you consider the most luckiest person in the world? Take your time and think. OK, I know , the options are millions. I’ll give you the answer. How lucky is a person who is ugly and has no talent and no money? Yes, that was the answer. THE LUCKIEST PERSON. (OK. I will be using male gender from here on. He / She is getting weird.) He is the only person who can find the ones who like or love him for the person he is. He wont have friends because he looks like those dazzling celebrities or because he has Einstein’s brain. He has friends because they like him for who he is. Is is accepted for whatever he does. How wonderful? But ……
After all, whom can you blame? People all over the world are looking for happiness. It is good, but they are looking for happiness at any cost. When you have really good times with a friend and then slowly start whining about your problems to him after years, after a particular point he can only pretend to be concerned about your problems. Believe me, the pain that strikes you once you realize that he no longer is interested in your problems and is getting bored while you are pouring out your deepest, darkest secrets to him with all your heart is unbearable. And the fact that he was the only one to whom you would ever say them is even more gross. My advice, lose him before he walks away. That way you can take the blame. Another one of your mistakes, along with hundreds of others in the bag. That is when you have to learn to lose everything you ever wanted and attained. Try to become numb to the world’s sarcastic deeds. Friendship and love can carry on as long as happiness comes along. If a point comes where everything is sorrow and the relation still carries on, then I call it the one that touches divinity. What name can scholars give for that kind of a divine relationship? I’ll leave it to them. But that is no longer friendship nor love. That is the greatest gift anyone can get. A gift worth protecting your whole life. Or in other words, living to protect that gift. Sorry if my posts sounds a bit philosophical. But it’s just me. OK …signing off…Bye…Need to hear my heavy metal and Jazz……..