in my mind right now

i dont feel like writing...just need to scribble the voice inside my head on a piece of paper... y give me the interest but deny me of my opportunities...i screwed up today...i didn't mean to say that...i did but not in the sense in which you took it...i am back to the times where i saw myself helpless...i acted numb at times i should have reacted...am like that again...all i want is to see a happy face...nothing else...but at times i see the cold glaring eyes even though they don't really glare at me...its like i can see wats inside...am i responsible for it...damn...i need 3 lac in 3 months...or i should be 22...am i happy that i cant achieve it...it is a tough path anyway...it might lead to glory but the path is tough...i love to sit back and relax...but i have big dreams...but the dreams will remain dreams...perhaps i am ignoring the opportunities...am i in the midst of all those noises that obstructed the sound of the knock of that opportunity...or was i busy shouting about no one knocking at my door...did i miss it or was i denied of it...am i filling up the cup thinking how to empty it...why are these thoughts coming to me over and over again...i feel my mind has become a whore...impure and adulterated with things that haven't helped me so far...things are just getting worse every time there seems to be a hope of something good...every morning i wake up and hope for the worst...everything seems kinda good that day...am i happy in my negative energy...i might be..........................TCNQ9G93SAA7